Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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