at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
