Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
