Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
