Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
