I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
