i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
