Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
