i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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