Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
