he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
