it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
