Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
