my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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