My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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