Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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