im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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