i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
