Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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