I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Shame - the story of my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
