Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
