I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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