Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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