someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
