Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
