I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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