we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
