Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
