Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
