omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
