how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
