and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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