party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone came in the potted fern
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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