We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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