He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
