"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
