wanna go halves on a baby?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
