I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just google imaged poop.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my poor anus
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
