i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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