Whod you bang
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
