Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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