my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she peed on how many people?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
