Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
