My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
