Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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