wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
