I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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