What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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