Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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