I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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