So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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