Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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