Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
