good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
